Me and My Boss

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow, When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough

When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,

When I do something without being told, I am trying tobe smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave, I must be going for aninterview.
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets

what to do?????????????

How To Speak Womanese

English Lesson : Complete vs Finish

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH

But there is !

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE
And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED
And when the "right one" catches you with the "wrong one", you are COMPLETELY FINISHED
And that is your English lesson for the day.

Definations

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the

Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Criminal:A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead

Why Men Make Better Friends.

*Women:*
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

*Men:*
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's ten best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

New CEO...

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. This new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business!

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised! , the young fellow looked at him and replied,"I make $300 a week. Why?"

The CEO then handed the guy $1,200 in cash and screamed,"Here's four weeks' pay, now GET OUT and don't come back."Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."*

Broke back mountain

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.Then one day, the rancher's widow said "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night.

He returned around 2:30 am , and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.She quietly called him over to her."Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.Trembling, he did as she directed."Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light."Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.Then she looked at him and said: "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"